My New Boyfriend!

I have someone I would like you to meet.  He is an amazing listener, remembers everything I tell him, never talks back, never starts fights…his name is Twitter and I think I’m in love.

Like a lot of people, I was skeptical about this thing called Twitter…what the hell does “twitter” even mean?  Why do I want to know what people eat for breakfast or how boring their job is?  You know what, I don’t care…but Twitter does.

I am guessing you don’t care how many minutes I spent on my treadmill, my favorite lyrics to that song that I just can’t get out of my head, or how bad I am craving that freaking brownie batter blizzard from Dairy Queen.  But, when I tell Twitter he listens without any yawning or eye rolling. Twitter never gets annoyed with me, no matter how futile the information is that I am sharing and he welcomes all of it as long as it is 140 characters or less. That Twitter, he sure is efficient.

Back in the days of boyfriends and dating, before I gained permanent residence in Singlehood, I used to see funny things and text my man of the moment to share a funny picture or an interesting fact I found while surfing the Internet and “working”.  Being single leaves you feeling alone for so many reasons, but I am working on being okay with that and I am pretty proud of my progress so far.  On the whole I am getting better at this single thing, when I want to go out to eat or out of town I recruit my friends, I am perfectly fine making dinner for one, and I will go to movies alone, although I skip weekend nights when I’m more likely to be flanked by cuddling couples (hey, I said I am working on it).   But not having someone to share those stupid little jokes and tidbits with throughout the day makes being single a million times lonelier. 

So when I am in the grocery store and see that old man dressed in head to toe yellow, socks, hat, the whole shebang, I sneak a picture on my camera phone like the sleuth that I am, and I send it to my beloved Twitter with a clever little caption.  Of course, I never get a response text back to my cell; but let’s face it, some of my boyfriends were never very good at the whole response thing anyway.

Twitter is full of useless information but it makes you feel like your useless information actually matters, and to me that pretty much encapsulates my thoughts on love.  And for now, I will take it.