It's not that I wouldn't date a black guy who didn't skateboard, it's just that I prefer he did. But I can assure you I am totally not racist because I actually favor that talent in all my men. I don’t know why. Must be something I carried with me from junior high. I wonder if it could also be tied to the reason behind me not being able to throw out my hemp necklaces. But for some reason a black man on a skateboard, in Vans and tattoos that blend so smooth with that milk chocolate skin (I can’t even type that without giggling. When I say things like “milk chocolate skin” I immediately become a horny Angela Bassett on a Caribbean Island
So folks, here it is, with their matching tattoos and skaterness and hotness…My Top Five Beautiful Black Men list (drumroll, please):
1. Pharrell, 2. Lil’Wayne
I would absolutely date a black guy, although they do tend to bring out my severe dorky-white-girlyness. I don’t typically like limiting myself, and I figure why stick to one color when you could have a whole melting pot? Admittedly, my dating melting pot is a bit pale. I’ve thrown a Hispanic in here and there, sure, but it still reeks of white-bred suburbia.
Anyway, I heard “Once you goWayne
So folks, here it is, with their matching tattoos and skaterness and hotness…My Top Five Beautiful Black Men list (drumroll, please):
1. Pharrell, 2. Lil’
I know there are some white girls out there that only like black guys. I can’t even imagine the level of rage this must incite from some black women. But I'm an equal opportunity kind of bitch. Read on...
There is a funny and highly inappropriate message my co-worker showed me that had a picture of a white girl holding a baby with an afro, underneath it said “Once you go black…you’re a Single Mom” That. Is. Hilarious.
One of my best friends is one of those white girls, not the single mom, but the black-guy-chasing type; she didn’t find that picture as funny as I did. I don’t understand her obsession completely (and it’s entirely fair for me to call it an obsession because one night out she decided what bars we would go into by asking the bouncers how many black guys were inside), but I can see what she likes about them versus white guys.
Black guys are charming. This is not debatable. Watch this for evidence. I love this.
One of my best friends is one of those white girls, not the single mom, but the black-guy-chasing type; she didn’t find that picture as funny as I did. I don’t understand her obsession completely (and it’s entirely fair for me to call it an obsession because one night out she decided what bars we would go into by asking the bouncers how many black guys were inside), but I can see what she likes about them versus white guys.
Black guys are charming. This is not debatable. Watch this for evidence. I love this.
Black men know how to talk to women and make them feel special. They are brave and forward and slightly cocky and it’s slightly hot. I can’t say for sure, but I think that there is a basic female desire to be someone’s “woman”, not in the hair-pulling caveman kind of way, but in the back-the fuck-off-my-lady-she-is-mine kind of way. They seem to be able to do this better than white men, when black men have a girlfriend it is their girl and she is the queen. I can’t say I would mind this one bit.
They also know how to appreciate a woman’s curves. One time I met a black guy named “Golden”, and no, it wasn’t because of his teeth, I asked. Golden and I had a romantic moment outside of a sandwich shop that was downstairs from the bar I just stumbled out of. He talked to me in his smooth little way, and while he buttered me up he…RUBBED MY BELLY. It took me aminute to realize what was going on. This would normally appall me and cause me to get violently slappy at that hand on my stomach, but as Golden rubbed my belly he told me how much he liked it. Golden said that my belly was nice and soft and he wished he could wake up next to it every morning. I felt so good about my pooch that I marched my way right into that sandwich shop and ordered myself the works to ensure it wasn’t going anywhere!
Black guys are also cool, which isn’t the same as charming. Because they can be assholes and it’s still f**king cool. Take Kanye West. Asshole. F**king cool. A black guy can talk so smooth and a white guy with the same script would just sound like a dork. I wish I had an example for you, and I’ve sat here trying to think of one but I can't because I'm too white, so it’s coming up blank. But you’ll notice it sometime. This fact also applies to fashion.
They also know how to appreciate a woman’s curves. One time I met a black guy named “Golden”, and no, it wasn’t because of his teeth, I asked. Golden and I had a romantic moment outside of a sandwich shop that was downstairs from the bar I just stumbled out of. He talked to me in his smooth little way, and while he buttered me up he…RUBBED MY BELLY. It took me aminute to realize what was going on. This would normally appall me and cause me to get violently slappy at that hand on my stomach, but as Golden rubbed my belly he told me how much he liked it. Golden said that my belly was nice and soft and he wished he could wake up next to it every morning. I felt so good about my pooch that I marched my way right into that sandwich shop and ordered myself the works to ensure it wasn’t going anywhere!
Black guys are also cool, which isn’t the same as charming. Because they can be assholes and it’s still f**king cool. Take Kanye West. Asshole. F**king cool. A black guy can talk so smooth and a white guy with the same script would just sound like a dork. I wish I had an example for you, and I’ve sat here trying to think of one but I can't because I'm too white, so it’s coming up blank. But you’ll notice it sometime. This fact also applies to fashion.
I would absolutely date a black guy, although they do tend to bring out my severe dorky-white-girlyness. I don’t typically like limiting myself, and I figure why stick to one color when you could have a whole melting pot? Admittedly, my dating melting pot is a bit pale. I’ve thrown a Hispanic in here and there, sure, but it still reeks of white-bred suburbia.
Anyway, I heard “Once you go
No comments:
Post a Comment