Hey Girl...Love, Ryan Gosling

I found these via Lainey Gossip's post where she refers to Ryan Gosling as "vagina-friendly". How fucking true is that? He is the prototype.  Bad ass and sensitive.  Damn. I want. And these memes are HILARIOUS! How much do you want to marry him?

What the #$%^*(@ is THAT?!

Look, I hate to be a bitch.  But this is terrifying.  I really can't stand Christina, never liked her, and as petty as this is, I love these pictures so much.  She looks busted.  And now I have to go do a good deed to fix my karma.

Dancing and Driving

The weather has been so nice in the mornings so I have been driving to work with my windows open.  My new short hair works perfect for this because the wind totally styles it; dries it and gives it some shape and volume.  I love anything that allows me laziness and more sleeping in.  I drive to work at 7am which is a really shitty time for radio. I absolutely hate morning talk shows.  I hate everything they have to say.  I hate the radio DJ calling and catching the cheating boyfriend in a lie.  I hate the celebrity gossip (what am I going to do at work all day if you tell it to me on the way?).  I hate their voices.  The only stations that play music in the morning are the hip hop stations because they have the morning mixes.  Luckily, this is my preference for morning tunes; they wake me up and get me pumped for the day.

Michael Cera is a BITCH!

Woooooooooooooooooow......

I used to say I wanted a son just like him, like I literally wanted to push out a full-size walking, talking Michael Cera. But I take that back now. 

Blurbles 9-13-2011

Some things that crossed my mind today…  How weird Republicans are.  How mean Republicans are.  Leopard print, fur, and soft things I want to wrap myself in.  If I could be anywhere but here I would be outside sleeping. 

Read on, my friends, if you care for my elaborations. 

Return of the Ghetto Booty

So, Jessica and I used to have a joke about my ass and how huge it gets when I gain weight.  It starts slow, then one day it explodes in a serious way and the ghetto booty is back.

It would be helpful if my coworkers would stop bringing delicious calorie-coated pastries.  Try saying no to this, I dare you. 

I swear to you, today I am legitimately concerned that sitting down too fast will cause a huge ripping sound and exposure of my Granny Panties.  I can’t believe I just ate that donut; I am certainly putting this 4% spandex to the test.

HappyFat

In movies and television a girl will get dumped and in the next scene you see her in her pajamas, spoon in hand, pint of chocolate ice cream in her lap, snotty tissues everywhere.   I thought this was the normal reaction for getting dumped.  Sowhen I went through my first breakup I remember heading straight for the freezer and digging right into the container.  This was an emergency, no time for scooping it in a dish first. I took a few frantic bites through the tears, paused, and then dramatically threw it back in the freezer unbelievably irritated that it didn’t magically fix my broken heart. I thought it was supposed to be the cure, or help soothe me a little, but nothing…just a nauseated, empty, heavy feeling at the bottom of my belly. When I am upset, sad, stressed, the last thing I want to do is eat. I have talked to a lot of girlfriends and they agree, when we are depressed, food is nowhere on the agenda.  It’s not a conscious decision, you just are not hungry and you don’t have the energy to pig out.

Mark Motherfuckin' Jenkins

This man makes awesome street installations.  They are slightly creepy and a really great sociology experiment.  Take a look at some of my favorites then check out his site here!

Stuck in the Middle

Working at a Children’s Hospital has taught me so much.  But mostly it’s taught me that people give their kids really fucked up names.  
 

Top 5 Blogs I Love

A good chunk of my day is dedicated to checking in to some of my favorite blogs.  I would like to share those blogs with you so when you are sitting at your desk at work trying to look busy you have something interesting to look at (:

Blurbles! 7-27

BLURBLES are some of my random thoughts.  Not thought out enough to really write about, but nonetheless worthy of a mention. 

1. I used to really love JLO…Jenny from the Block, Bennifer.  I was all over that.  Then she disappeared for a while which was fine, had her little babies, and then tried to put out an album that no one cared about.  Then BAM! American Idol comes along and everyone loves her again.  This annoys me.  Probably because American Idol really annoys me and I think it’s pathetic that it made her relevant again.  But regardless of my feelings about the show it is undeniable that it completely brought her back into the spotlight.  Now all of a sudden her album, which no one would invest in before, is released and becomes a hit. This did not make me love her again.  I cannot listen to that piece of shit song and I prefer Jennifer Lopez’s Ass on the movie screen not in music videos. But her divorcing Mark Anthony?  That did it.  I love her again.  JLo is back y’all!  That guy is such a creepy little skeezball, always has been.  I don’t know what she saw in him in the first place, but who am I to talk?  I’ve had my fair share of skeezballs.  It’s just great to see her confident and happy.  Sometimes I can’t wait to be older, to be in my 30’s and have my shit together and have that confidence.  Look at her confidence, look how beautiful it makes her.  I want that.  Except she is actually 42 and I don’t want that.

Funnies

Funnies

See, cats are evil!

Thanks, Jillian, for the heads up on KLEPTO THE CAT! Muahahaha….

Cat People

I love animals, all kinds of them.  Except lizards, which I have a long, phobic history with, but that is an entirely separate and traumatizing story in itself.  I am the kind of girl who brakes for birds who are a bit too close to my windshield, and when I see a rabbit I turn into super annoying girl and squeal, “Oooooohhhh look! A BUNNY!”  I volunteer at a local no-kill animal shelter, I am on the Humane Society mailing list, and I giggle when PETA throws things on Lindsey Lohan and her fur coat.   

DealBreakers

I used to tell people that I had a list of five things that would make me run away from a guy like he had leprosy.  It was my little list of “DealBreakers” that I felt could tell me a lot about someone and warned me that getting all cute and cuddly with him would be a very bad idea.  More recently however, I guess I have realized that having five things that would absolutely keep me from getting into a relationship with a guy was just ridiculous, and after some years and experience in dating, I realized that I am going to need a hell of a lot more things on that list.

Walk of Shame: Captured!

I thought it might be necessary to provide an official definition for "Walk of Shame" so I consulted some very trusty resources, behold:

Wikipedia-

The walk of shame refers to where a person must walk past strangers or peers alone for an embarrassing reason before reaching a place of privacy. Most commonly, it occurs the morning after a night out at a bar, dance club, or party.

UrbanDictionary-

1. The walk across campus in the same clothes as yesterday after you slept with someone and spent the night in their dorm room

2. The course walked home after a night of boozing and f**king. One usually wears either the clothes they went out in (eg. short skirt and heels) or the clothing of the person they slept with (eg. a large white t-shirt) the morning after and everyone notices they have the "I was f**ked up last night" look and am now walking home from the guy-I-f**ked's house.

I love UrbanDictionary.   But this needs no words...

Classic. Man, I sure am loving the combination of the heels and the gym shorts that she most likely stole from a pile on some guy's floor.    But, what takes this Walk of Shame to the next level is definitely the snow. 

That. Blows.

Maybe the stilletos help with the traction? Like little ice picks?