And I feel fine...

So I don’t really know if the world is really ending or if this has been a constant fear of humans since the beginning of time.  Are there really more natural disasters or are we just more aware of them with our 24 hour instant access to news and internet?  Either way I have offered this advice to whoever may be worried about the world coming to an end soon: eat whatever you want and maybe start smoking weed.

Missing: My Mind

I wouldn’t wish long distance on anyone.  Because it’s bullshit.  It’s like having an imaginary friend, a virtual boyfriend that only exists on your computer screen and some text messages.  I have absolutely lost my patience with this long distance thing and I am pretty sure M has lost his patience with me.

QUOTEY QUOTES

I am cleaning out my folders on my work computer and found a document of quotes that I like and have collected.  It’s a mish mash, but kinda fun…who doesn’t love a good quote?  Enjoy!

Love? It's such a funny word… But I know it means wanting the best for the people you love, putting their interests above your own, always. Love does that. Love is what you live for." -Angelina Jolie

Memory is the diary that we all carry about with us.  -Oscar Wilde

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who don't have it.  -George Bernard Shaw

Get Ready, NYC!

So, it’s official.  I have my plane ticket and I quit my job. PHEW! That took a lot of stress off my chest; I can breathe a bit easier knowing that it is actually happening.  I am moving to New York City. 

Hey Girl...Love, Ryan Gosling

I found these via Lainey Gossip's post where she refers to Ryan Gosling as "vagina-friendly". How fucking true is that? He is the prototype.  Bad ass and sensitive.  Damn. I want. And these memes are HILARIOUS! How much do you want to marry him?

In a hopless place.

Rihanna’s new video for “We Found Love” (watch it at the bottom of this post) is on the Yahoo! homepage as one of the top stories with the headline “Rihanna’s Upsetting Video”.  I don’t really understand who this is upsetting for. 

I swear I'll be with you someday

Superman

Tall, dark, and superman, he
puts papers in his briefcase and drives away
to save the world or go to work - it's the same thing to me
He's got his mother's eyes, his father's ambition
I wonder if he knows how much that I miss him
I hang on every word you say
And you smile and say, "How are you?"
And I'll say, "Just fine."
I always forget to tell you I love you. I’ll love you forever.

I watch Superman fly away
You've got a busy day today
Go save the world
I’ll be around
I watch superman fly away
Come back, I'll be with you some day
I’ll be right here on the ground
when you come back down

Tall, dark, and beautiful
he's complicated, he's so rational
But I hope someday he’ll take me away and save the day

Something in his deep brown eyes has me saying,
He's not all bad like his reputation
And I can't hear one single word they say
You leave, got places to be and I’ll be okay
I always forget to tell you I love you
I loved you from the very first day

I watch Superman fly away
You've got a busy day today
Go save the world, I'll be around
I watch Superman fly away
Come back, I’ll be with you someday
I'll be right here on the ground
when you come back down

And I watch
you fly around the world
And I hope you don’t save some other girl
Don’t forget, don’t forget about me
I'm far away, but I never let you go
I'm lovestruck and looking out the window
Don't forget, don't forget where I’ll be
Right here wishing the flowers were from you
Wishing the card was from you
Wishing the call was from you
Cause I've loved you from the very first day

I watch Superman fly away
You've got a busy day today
Go save the world, I’ll be around
For ever and ever
I watch Superman fly away
I swear I'll be with you someday
I’ll be right here on the ground
when you come back down

Cleaning Out My Camera

Pictures are a big part of my family.  My dad loves photography and at any family event, big or small, he is there with his camera.  Eventually, as I started loving photography too, he would hand me the camera and unwittingly I became the unofficial family photographer; a terrible thing for an attention-loving youngest child as I was no longer in any of the photos.  My sisters would probably say it evens out since my whole childhood was documented extensively. 

Do You Trust Politicians?

Do you trust politicians? 

I can’t help but smile when I type that title, and no, it’s not a rhetorical question.  Although it seems almost painfully clear what 99% of people would say: “FUCK NO!” or some variation of that. 

These Boots Are Made For Walkin'

Moving sucks.  But changing climates is fun because you get to shop.  I could go broke with all the winter stuff I want to buy.  Today I was looking at boots on Zappos, my favorite shoe website (free next day shipping and the easiest returns ever).   I want them allllllllllllllllllllllllllll!

What the #$%^*(@ is THAT?!

Look, I hate to be a bitch.  But this is terrifying.  I really can't stand Christina, never liked her, and as petty as this is, I love these pictures so much.  She looks busted.  And now I have to go do a good deed to fix my karma.

Morning Makeup

This morning I pressed snooze until it was 7:00am, the exact time that I should be leaving my house.  This is part of the reason that I might never let my hair get long again; all I had to do was throw on the clothes I had set out the night before, brush my teeth, and run out the front door.  And I totally made it on time. 

Laziness gets such a bad rap, but I like to think of all the ways that it helps me in my life.  Laziness drives me to simplify things and one thing that I have brilliantly simplified is my makeup routine.  I have gotten amazingly talented at putting on my makeup in the car.  I know that’s terrible.  But it takes me less than a minute and when I am able to put on mascara without looking in the mirror it really makes me feel like a woman.    

Compliment Vomit

I have a problem.  It’s called Compliment Vomit.  When I think something nice about someone it just busts right out of my mouth before I even realize.  I just spew my adoration onto unsuspecting passersby. “I love that sweater!”, “Amazing bag, love the sparkles!”, “Great Hair!”

I know what you’re thinking: doesn’t sound like much of a problem, Jen.   But that’s because you haven’t asked the tall, thin, redhead cashier at Costco if she’s considered modeling and she gets all uncomfortable and looks at you like you should stop hitting on her.

You Best be watchin' who you're callin' the Worst.

So, good ol' Gawker made a list of The Worst 50 States in America.  New York was 50.  Arizona was 1.  What the fuck.  Seriously, New York needs to lay the fuck off of Arizona or we are going to have some problems.  I feel like I need to start getting all spirited about AZ and stock up on some coyote and cactus T-shirts to rep in the City.  But I am afraid I will get things thrown at me.  Isn't NY supposed to be about openness and acceptance? Between Gawker and Morris I have had enough.   

Blogger's Block

Took a break from blogging while M was here, I have some stuff I want to write about but my brain is not working right today.  Hopefully I will be overcome with creativity tonight or tomorrow. For now check out some brain-numbing links.

Trying is NOT hot 

ew ew ew Don't get me started on the heels on the beach.  And is that not THE most padded bikini top ever? I can't take this. They are both horrible.

I like her, and it's mostly because she dresses like this.

Stella McCartney Paris Fashion Week...beautiful

Congratulations! 

Good news, ladies.

Mark Ruffalo Occupies Wall Street (great links to articles about Occupy Wall Street)

Foxy Knoxy is Free

Ms. Watson does it again, looking good lady!

The Best Kate

DRIVE yourself to the theater and see this now!

Last night I asked Jason to go see a movie and then I took a nap before we met.  Some people might know how dangerous this is.  You would know this because at some point you made plans with me and I slept right through them.  I am an extremely talented napper.  Once I am down, not a lot can get me to stir.  I set multiple alarms, people will call, text, shine lights through my windows and I am still snoozing.  The movie started at 8:00pm, Jason text me at 7:56pm to tell me he was outside the theater; I was in bed.  Luckily I live close so through bleary eyes I threw on some clothes and ran out the door.  When Jason saw me he said, “Nice pants….I think.”  This cracked me up later; I knew he was going to say something about my pants.  They were tribal print leggings and I am so in love with them.  We missed the previews which is a totally bummer but we made it just in time for the opening credits. 

I am so glad that I pulled my lazy ass out of bed because Jason and I saw Drive last night and it was soooooooooooooooooooooooo good!  I absolutely loved it. 

Happy 77th Birthday Miss Bardot!

“Do you have to have a reason for loving? “

“Men are beasts and even beasts don't behave as they do. “

Chick Beer

I saw this on The Early Show this morning (one of the many perks of my job: a TV in the waiting room).  It is called Chick Beer and I think it is fabulous.  Beer marketing is obviously targeted towards men and these ladies decided to do something about that by creating Chick Beer.

Dancing and Driving

The weather has been so nice in the mornings so I have been driving to work with my windows open.  My new short hair works perfect for this because the wind totally styles it; dries it and gives it some shape and volume.  I love anything that allows me laziness and more sleeping in.  I drive to work at 7am which is a really shitty time for radio. I absolutely hate morning talk shows.  I hate everything they have to say.  I hate the radio DJ calling and catching the cheating boyfriend in a lie.  I hate the celebrity gossip (what am I going to do at work all day if you tell it to me on the way?).  I hate their voices.  The only stations that play music in the morning are the hip hop stations because they have the morning mixes.  Luckily, this is my preference for morning tunes; they wake me up and get me pumped for the day.

20 Things To Do In Your 20's

20 Things To Do in your 20’s

My birthday is five months away, so I realize this is a random thought, but in five months I will be twenty-six.  That means I am definitely no longer early Twenties and closer to thirty than I am to twenty.  That. Is. Terrifying.  I never really imagined having a hard time with turning thirty, but shit, I am already having a hard time dealing with twenty-six.  I think your Twenties are such a special time.  This is when we get to be so completely selfish.  Your Twenties are meant to make mistakes, take risks, and find out who you are.  It feels so good to be young and free and I intend on making the most of my next four years and five months.  This is my list of things that I think everyone should do in their Twenties. 

Keep Cool, Fool!

Lately I have been stressin’ to the max.  I never notice it until it all catches up and I feel like shit but I can't figure out why exactly.  After a really good talk with my mom last night I think I have my head on a little straighter.  I need to focus on one thing at a time, the next step, and stop freaking out about the big picture.  It’s funny because I gave a friend this advice about two hours before my mom gave it to me.  But I needed to hear it and I needed to say out loud all the things that I am worried about.  Being stressed out means feeling out of control and I am so out of control of so many things right now.  The hard part is that I can’t do a whole lot about it at the moment.  All I can do is relax and wait and keep living day by day. So I need some stress relief and I need to refocus my mind, find my balance again.  Rum and Diet hasn’t been working so I will move on to trying my favorite stress relief activities. 

Forgetful Francine

I forgot my shirt today.  I drive to work in my undershirt tank top then went to reach for my work shirt and it wasn’t there.  I looked around my truck and it took me all of five seconds to realize it was not there.  So I walked in to work in my undershirt feeling naked and slutty, but I did get the elevator door held open for me.  Luckily my work is a hospital so I have access to scrubs.  They are insanely wrinkled and the pants are pretty ill-fitting but they are so comfortable.  Plus, I kind of think they make me look smarter.  Except that everyone who knows I normally don’t wear scrubs thinks that I had some sort of accident on my other clothes.

Camping Adventure

This weekend I went camping by Bear Canyon Lake on the Mogollon Rim.  There were 6 of us, although Eric slept so much I was pretty convinced there were only 5 of us.  I think he made it home but it’s possible he is still passed out by the campfire. 

We had so much fun and it left all of us wondering why it doesn’t happen more often.  We left early Saturday and came home Sunday afternoon so it was a quick trip, but perfect nonetheless.  Sometimes that is all it takes to feel like you got away. 

Jason and I drove up together in my truck and I made a quick stop when we crossed the Salt River and saw wild horses.  There is a herd of about 100 mustangs in the Tonto National Forest (about the size of Connecticut) and they are hydrated by the Lower Salt and Lower Verde rivers.  This is only the second time I have seen the wild horses on the river.  It was a great way to start the adventure.

My Emmy's Best & Worst

BEST

Michael Cera is a BITCH!

Woooooooooooooooooow......

I used to say I wanted a son just like him, like I literally wanted to push out a full-size walking, talking Michael Cera. But I take that back now. 

I will cut you.

Okay, so this data is from 2006, but I still find it promising.  Not to those of you who live in Arizona, but for myself, who will be leaving the desert for the city in a couple of months. 

Ummm, what the hell is with Arizona's rape and murder rates? We take the cake on every category, but this kind of winning is certainly losing. 

Today's Entertainment

Here are some fun links for you to check out and kill some time while you are "working".

News Anchor Mocks Kardashians...Hilarious!

My Fashion Spot is Tingling

Weezy has never looked dorkier or sexier

Love, LOVE, Love this girl...we shoud be best friends.

I believe it...how could he not have knocked anyone up before now?

OMG....so, so, so nasty.

I don't mind the dress, but the hair is atrocious

Was hoping I would catch this at work but with my new hours it looks like I will be DVRing
also....he is so cute!

I think I love her, but I am speechless.  She's left me speechless.

Blurbles 9-13-2011

Some things that crossed my mind today…  How weird Republicans are.  How mean Republicans are.  Leopard print, fur, and soft things I want to wrap myself in.  If I could be anywhere but here I would be outside sleeping. 

Read on, my friends, if you care for my elaborations. 

Full Disclosure

Working at a hospital, I know the importance of patient confidentiality.  We take great care to ensure that your medical records and information is kept secure and shared only with employees involved in your direct care.  In the waiting room I notice that some parents are sharers, they like to tell anyone who will listen all about theirs and their children’s medical issues.  Sometimes it is really great to see them bond with the other parents, unless they are obnoxious over sharers talking about their child’s poop.  Other parents are more private and hesitant to open up about their medical situations and reasonably so. 

McLovin' It

McDonald’s is one of my greatest weaknesses.  Hands down, best fries ever.  McNuggets? Amazing.  And I will rarely ever eat a hamburger (I have/had a thing about beef, I guess you could say I’ve had a “beef” with beef), but I LOVE their cheeseburgers.  More often than I would like to admit I have had two meals in one day there.  Another time, when I cleaned out my truck, I threw away seven McDonald’s bags.  I am aware of how disgusting this is.  Anyway, I love McDonald’s and I love sauces so imagine my excitement when I saw this:

Mr. Dannijo

I was catching up with one of my favorite fashion blogs today, ManRepeller, and fell in love with the author's jewelry.  She just collaborated on a jewelry line with DanniJo, owned by sisters Jodi and Danielle Snyder.  The jewelry is hand-made in New York and this particular line, Mr. Dannijo, is inspired by menswear.  It is so legit; beautiful and quirky.  I am so loving menswear lately, especially bow ties and collars. 

Once you go Pisces...

“I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical”  -Arthur C. Clarke

If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “Pisces”.  I fit the profile so completely, it baffles me.  I am the Pisces Poster Girl. 

NYC Update

My tentative moving date is November 13.  That is 65 days away.  That’s not that many days.

Reality set in a couple days ago and I had a little bit of a freak out/breakdown.  I started getting really worried and aware of the fact that I will be leaving everyone and everything I know.  It's so intimidating to think about creating new circles of people I love and can count on.  There is also the fact that I don't know anything, at all.  I don't know my directions, I don't know the subways, I don't know the location of banks, the DMV, doctors offices, hospitals, movie theaters. 
 

Return of the Ghetto Booty

So, Jessica and I used to have a joke about my ass and how huge it gets when I gain weight.  It starts slow, then one day it explodes in a serious way and the ghetto booty is back.

It would be helpful if my coworkers would stop bringing delicious calorie-coated pastries.  Try saying no to this, I dare you. 

I swear to you, today I am legitimately concerned that sitting down too fast will cause a huge ripping sound and exposure of my Granny Panties.  I can’t believe I just ate that donut; I am certainly putting this 4% spandex to the test.

Wall Candy

Thank you to Kaci for showing me this website.  I have seen wall decals on different sites, but these ones from Blik are pretty awesome.  These make me nervous for some people because I can see them being really excited and covering every wall.  Tastefully and artfully placed I think they can add just the right amount of interest and quirkiness to a room.

Bye Bye, Birdie

I knew I heard a thud on the side of the cabin when I was washing dishes.  I didn’t think anything of it but my Dad walked onto the porch ten minutes later and found this…

HappyFat

In movies and television a girl will get dumped and in the next scene you see her in her pajamas, spoon in hand, pint of chocolate ice cream in her lap, snotty tissues everywhere.   I thought this was the normal reaction for getting dumped.  Sowhen I went through my first breakup I remember heading straight for the freezer and digging right into the container.  This was an emergency, no time for scooping it in a dish first. I took a few frantic bites through the tears, paused, and then dramatically threw it back in the freezer unbelievably irritated that it didn’t magically fix my broken heart. I thought it was supposed to be the cure, or help soothe me a little, but nothing…just a nauseated, empty, heavy feeling at the bottom of my belly. When I am upset, sad, stressed, the last thing I want to do is eat. I have talked to a lot of girlfriends and they agree, when we are depressed, food is nowhere on the agenda.  It’s not a conscious decision, you just are not hungry and you don’t have the energy to pig out.

All You're Ever Gonna Be is Mean

I have been having one of my pensive episodes lately and have been overwhelmed with how different my life is from just a few months ago. I am amazed by where I am at, who I am, the opportunities in front of me, the people I have gained in my life, and I know that I am lucky.

New York: Day Cinco

Morris had to get up and go to work on Monday and I got to lie in bed and watch him get ready.  That is the best feeling, trying to be nice to the person who has to go spend the day at the office, giving them that pity smile, tell them it won’t be that bad, then as soon as the door shuts roll over, cuddle up, and snooze. 

I woke up late and decided to go to the city to meet M for lunch.  I get all excited when I go on the subways by myself, feeling super savvy and independent.  This is not something you NY people will understand, but in AZ I drive everywhere and never have to look at train maps, so it’s kind of a big deal.  I even gave M a snarky little comment about not needing his help when he told me to call if I got lost.  Then I got lost.

Queen of Pasta Salad

Okay, so nobody has ever actually called me the Queen of Pasta Salad.  But they have agreed with me over the dinner table, nodding with their mouths stuffed as I stare them down.

 “I mean, I am like the Queen of Pasta Salad, right? … RIGHT?!”

Nod, nod, nod.

“Thank you, you may have seconds.  “

New York: Day Cuatro

Sunday!  I love Sundays (when it’s not football season).  I love doing nothing and relaxing on Sundays and that is exactly what we did.  We had breakfast down the street, I couldn’t tell you the name of the restaurant but the owner was wonderful and the food was great.  I ordered eggs Benedict, and honestly, I thought it was something else.  I am not a big egg person, have always had some weirdness about eggs, but I was starving and read the avocado and tomato part and it sounded good.  I had no idea eggs Benedict were so runny.  I can remember watching my dad eat runny eggs when I was little and being so disgusted and worried that he was going to get sick.  But when that yellow goo came bursting out of my beautiful white egg puff I put on my big girl pants and dug right in, and it was delicious.  Because I am clumsy and can barely get through a meal without spilling on myself, I had to make an extra fool of myself while trying to cut through my breakfast with a butter knife.  The knife flew out of my hand (there must have been some random magnetic force; no other way to explain that kind of air) and splattered some egg goo on the little girl next to me.  Her grandma was a sweetheart and told me that in her country a dropped knife meant you would receive a male visitor soon.  I can only hope she is right. 

New York: Day Tres

Saturday we went to Bareburger in the morning for breakfast.  Morris ordered better than me this time and while I ate my breakfast burrito he feasted on an amazing creation: carrot cake French toast.  It was so rich and delicious it didn’t even need the root beer maple syrup it came with. 

New York: Day Dos

I had an incredible time in NYC…could you tell? I didn’t update my blog which means I was too busy having fun to fill you in, but now I am back at work so I have plenty of time (:

Day Two started rough because I am the worst drinker in the world.  I am not made for alcohol.  Take an empty stomach, add some antibiotics, a glass and a half of wine, and voilà, you have a pukey Jen the next morning.  Pathetic.  At breakfast I had my Diet Coke and banana pancakes, which were delicious; unfortunately they were not fully appreciated as I was distracted by the rumbling in my belly and my fierce intent on keeping them down, which I did. 

After breakfast we made our way to Rockefeller Center.  M got his hair cut and I walked around taking pictures and getting catcalled by some crazy mofos by the jewelry stores.  When he was finished we met up with his awesome mom and checked out the Farmer’s Market at Rockefeller Center. 

New York: Day Uno

So I am a day behind, yesterday was a long day with traveling and I didn't get to blogging.  I will try to catch back up tonight.  Day One was a success; I landed in NYC at 5:00am, just before the sun came up.  We flew over Manhattan on the way in.  What a magical sight from the air at night.  All the lights were twinkling just like the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland.  You could see Central Park, the big, dark rectangle in the middle of the city, and also the big video screens in Times Square.

First on the agenda: Sleep!  After a massive nap I was ready to explore and Morris took me to Highline Park.  He is the best tour guide!  It was right up my alley and such a great experience.  The urban park is built on an abandoned, elevated train path, very well designed with a lot of different sitting areas and places to realx and people/city watch.  I love how people really seem to enjoy the outdoor space here.  It was lovely to have no plans and get to really take our time enjoying the beautiful weather.

Mark Motherfuckin' Jenkins

This man makes awesome street installations.  They are slightly creepy and a really great sociology experiment.  Take a look at some of my favorites then check out his site here!

CUT!

Stuck in the Middle

Working at a Children’s Hospital has taught me so much.  But mostly it’s taught me that people give their kids really fucked up names.  
 

Hair today, Gone tomorrow!

It has taken me a long time to grow my balls for this, but I am cutting my hair off tomorrow! And I am not showing you any pictures of what I want because I don’t need you to tell me not to do it.  I just need you to tell me it looks good when it’s done; even if it doesn’t, Jillian. 

Jillian asked me on our way in to work after another awesome carpool session, “If I don’t like your hair when you cut it, do you want me to tell you?”  Oh you mean after I hack off inches and inches from my head should you tell me it looks horrible? What am I supposed to do if you don’t like it?  Goodness gracious…lie to me, baby!

Every time I get ready to make a big hair change I get so nervous and really start loving my current style.  Suddenly it lies just right and the color is perfect and I have so many options for styles.  All of a sudden I am in love with what I already have.  But isn’t that the way it goes with a lot of things?  When you know you are about to lose something you start really appreciating it, scared to let go, sad to say goodbye. 

One Day

They say “don’t judge a book by its cover” but we all do, right?  And I would actually kind of like to think, as somewhat of a designer, that the book cover really, really matters.  When I was on the subway in New York I spotted a girl reading the book One Day by David Nicholls.  I was staring at the book wondering what it was about, swore I would make a mental note to look it up on Amazon later, got off at my stop and immediately forgot the name of the book.

My Weekend: Pals and Pedicures

I had such a lovely weekend.  Saturday I took my Grandma to visit Micah Man, my adorable giant nephew.  He is crawling now!  And he is playing more and reacting and giggling, it is so much fun.  I absolutely love being an aunt; I suggest everyone try it out sometime.  My sister Kristen made a delicious lunch for us, we chatted and gossiped, and I spent many silent minutes in the car with my grandma who braced herself every time I made a lane switch. 

Nothing is Wasted

My mom recently passed a book on to me that a coworker gave her during a big transition in her career, it is called What I Wish For You: Simple Wisdom For a Happy Life by Patti Digh.  Originally seeking advice for her daughter upon high school graduation, Patti turned to readers of her blog asking them to send in anything that would help.  What she received was a vast collection of warming and inspiring stories, short notes, and art with advice for people going through, well…life.   This book is much more than guidance for a teenager entering the real world; in fact it is probably better appreciated by adults who know these lessons to be true. 

This is one of the entries that I read this weekend and enjoyed so much I wanted to share… 

Top 5 Blogs I Love

A good chunk of my day is dedicated to checking in to some of my favorite blogs.  I would like to share those blogs with you so when you are sitting at your desk at work trying to look busy you have something interesting to look at (:

If I Can Make It Here I Can Make It Anywhere.

I realize that it may be tempting to take this announcement with a grain of salt, completely my fault since my future plans have been a bit reminiscent of The Boy Who Cried Wolf, but I am moving to New York!

Really. Seriously.  I am.

Blurbles! 7-29

1.Dads are funny.  Especially when they are in a healthcare setting with their child.  Especially when you ask them their child’s date of birth.  I love asking that, and I love seeing them get uncomfortable when they can’t remember.  It’s causes secret giggles inside.  Dads can be so awkward and clueless. Thank God for women and moms. 

Blurbles! 7-27

BLURBLES are some of my random thoughts.  Not thought out enough to really write about, but nonetheless worthy of a mention. 

1. I used to really love JLO…Jenny from the Block, Bennifer.  I was all over that.  Then she disappeared for a while which was fine, had her little babies, and then tried to put out an album that no one cared about.  Then BAM! American Idol comes along and everyone loves her again.  This annoys me.  Probably because American Idol really annoys me and I think it’s pathetic that it made her relevant again.  But regardless of my feelings about the show it is undeniable that it completely brought her back into the spotlight.  Now all of a sudden her album, which no one would invest in before, is released and becomes a hit. This did not make me love her again.  I cannot listen to that piece of shit song and I prefer Jennifer Lopez’s Ass on the movie screen not in music videos. But her divorcing Mark Anthony?  That did it.  I love her again.  JLo is back y’all!  That guy is such a creepy little skeezball, always has been.  I don’t know what she saw in him in the first place, but who am I to talk?  I’ve had my fair share of skeezballs.  It’s just great to see her confident and happy.  Sometimes I can’t wait to be older, to be in my 30’s and have my shit together and have that confidence.  Look at her confidence, look how beautiful it makes her.  I want that.  Except she is actually 42 and I don’t want that.

Jealousy Schmealousy

Jealousy.  Boo.  We all hate it, yeah?  No one likes to feel jealous and no one likes to have a jealous significant other.  Regrettably, I have been given the jealousy gene.  I believe that too.  I believe it is just in some people, like a mean little twin that never developed and is now only a bump in your back with teeth and everything.  Of course, jealousy is a byproduct of insecurity, but I think it can also be caused by a crazy vivid imagination, not unlike my own.  I have a real talent for imagining the worst possible scenarios.  I should probably write horror movies or really sad, depressing indie films. I have always had this dark imagination gnawing at me, and not just with boys, with everything.  That is how I managed to stay out of trouble as a kid and teen.  I would think of the worst possible consequences and was sure that they would happen to me if I tested it. 

Funnies